Screwed over by a “friend”

I am a really good friend to all of my friends, I am always there and I don’t ask for much but I am sick of getting screwed over by people who are supposed to stand by me.

A new friend shocked by the behavior of a longtime friend sent me a message saying: “Have you ever been too nice and ended up in a situation that could’ve been avoided if you just would’ve been an asshole?”  YES! I have, time and time again.  I tried to become an asshole and I didn’t enjoy it much.  I like to be nice, I like to be liked and I was told by my psychologist once that I am a “people pleaser”.  Apparently being a people pleaser is not a good thing.  It wears you down and yes, you do finish last.  Being nice makes me feel great until I get used and abused which is actually inevitable for MRS Nice.  I do too much, I give too much and I allow it.  Right, this is what I have to do:  SET BOUNDARIES!

Believe it or not setting boundaries isn’t that hard, sticking to them is the real trick!  I can’t change my personality, I cannot change the fact that I am nice and enjoy treating people really well, but I can change the fact that I allow them to take advantage and then end up being screwed over! Someone once said to me that I should not try and understand why a person behaves in a certain manner because I am not them and therefor will not understand why they behave or think or what they do. The truth is that I will never understand why some people do some things and why some people act in certain ways but I have to say that people disappoint me!

I always tell my staff that when they mess up then they should come and tell me and I will help them to fix the mess.  Nothing drives me crazier than someone not owning up to making the mess in the first place.  I cannot help my staff if they hide the mess or don’t admit to it.  Then the mess gets bigger and the little mess becomes a big problem.  There is always a way to clean a mess but the quicker the mess is cleaned the smaller it will be and the least affect it will have on anything else.  I mess up…a lot!  And I apologize, a lot too.  But if I make a mistake I will ask for help or fix it and admit to it.

Now frankly my friend made a mistake and I pointed it out and explained the way the situation actually works.  Unfortunately, my mistake was explaining his mistake in front of the wrong person.  The person took it out on him and he took it out on me.  Something that was not in any way my fault at all.  I didn’t realize that things had to be kept secret or away from other parties although I had been caught in the middle of an ugly situation and I had only explained the facts.  I learnt a valuable lesson here, clearly there was a chain of command in place that I had failed to see.  Whilst I admit fault in this regard, I am unsure how I should have dealt with the situation since I was the only one who could explain the system and I was being asked to do so, which is exactly what I did.  This is definitely something I need to think about and decide how I could have better handled it.  However, this really is not my mess and I was merely giving the reasons but it became my mess when it was taken the wrong way and a man who I thought of as a friend had his ego hurt and decided to screw me over.

Firstly, I am hurt but almost not surprised but secondly, I have lost so much respect for this person as he took no responsibility for what he did and passed the buck onto someone else.  He made himself the hero to me and pretended that he had nothing to do with any of it when in reality it was all him.  My mind boggles at how someone can stand in front of someone else whom they are supposed to love and respect and lie to their face!  Clearly, I need to evaluate some friendships and decide if I need some so called “friends” in my life.  The answer on this particular friend is that I don’t need him in my life at all.

I am a firm believer in getting what you give and I for one give a lot and get a lot and have a smile on my face and in my heart, most of the time.  He is unhappy and can’t seem to find his place in the world or happiness in anything he does.  He thinks that happiness lies in the bottom of a bottle which makes him smile for a while but never for long and then comes the hangover, the beating himself up, the feeling ill and the absolute sadness.  It is actually a really sad situation, I obviously one upped him on the only thing he has – his little golden egg – and he had to take it back, even though I was an asset to him and his golden egg.  I had made the golden egg grow and shine!  He should appreciate the growth and admire it, instead he snatched it and hid it in the dark.

Now for me to set boundaries, keep them and still be the nice person I am without being taken advantage of.  I smile, not because I have less crap than everyone else, in fact, I probably have more than most, but I smile because I am happy.  I lead a stressful life but a life of the utmost fulfillment.  I am a great person, a person who has changed lives and given so much and I am truly blessed with what I get.  I will keep being the nice person and I will just have to make better decisions on the people I keep around.  Only people who deserve my love should be getting it!

Smile, because your smile can change someone’s day!


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