Happiness, Inspiration, Life, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Personal Development, Uncategorized

Taking back my life

Depression, the huge mistake I made which caused it and getting over it.

As a child, life was fairly easy. I was always good at making friends and was always able to stand up for myself so bullying wasn’t ever a problem for me. I had a really happy childhood and things were always bright and I have so many happy memories. In my early adult years, I began to become more popular and thrived on the positive attention. I was well known in my circles and would be greeted with adoration by people within my community. I had an incredible amount of friends and I was completely driven by their love for me. I spent so much time doing everything I could for my friends and I would run from one event to the next to please everyone. After all I was loved and needed to return the favour. How can positive attention be a bad thing? I mean everyone loves attention, right?

I was indeed filled with confidence as I walked through the streets of my city. I had a very positive energy about me and I eluded complete control of this incredibly amazing person who I thought I was. I had created my opinion of myself and my self worth based on how everyone saw me…which was great while everyone cherished me and made me the centre of attention.

I had literally handed over the remote control to my life to everyone else. I had no control of my life. Not only had I allowed myself to build Me on how everyone else saw me but I managed to hand my remote control over to people who would soon destroy my happiness. When a house is built, the most important first step is building a strong foundation. My house did not have a foundation and therefore could never withstand the harshest of storms.

As my life was hit by some harsh storms, I crumbled. The person that I had built on everyone else’s opinions could not stand alone. I became very depressed and felt completely hopeless. I had absolutely no want to live and more and more I felt that dying would be the best escape. I had no idea that I had in fact caused this problem. It was not the people who had broken me down because if I had built myself worth and self opinion on ME, I would not have been so easily broken.

Six months after being diagnosed with depression I found myself hitting rock bottom. The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that the only way to go is up. When I had nothing left I was forced to learn my mistake and I started my journey of recovery.

Living my life for everyone else had left me completely exhausted and unable to even get out of bed in the morning.

I sat down all by myself and started to get to know me. At first I wrote down my positives and negatives and though the list of positives which I could think of was only one or two things, the negative list seemed endless. How could everyone around me have seen me as an incredibly strong and amazing woman when I myself was unable to think of more than two positive things about me. Luckily I was soon to realize that my mind was completely over powered by depression and I did in fact have lots of positives. So with time, my list grew and the negatives did not seem all that bad anymore. Now was the time to make it. Now was the time to stop giving my energy to everyone else and now was the time to build my self worth on me.

Getting to know me and the journey of self discovery is one that teaches me every day. I have so much to give but never again will I allow people to just take. Giving is on my time and by my rules. I love giving and I truly feel the need to give back as I have been so richly blessed along the way that it would be a complete sin to not pass on blessings.

I have learned exactly what I should not be doing and what I do not want to do. Things that drain me are being cut out of my life.

I cannot choose which cards life has to deal me but I can choose how I play the cards which I am dealt. I choose to paint a beautiful picture and leave the sadness and regret behind. I will take what I need to from construction criticism but I will not allow negativity to define me. I am worth so much more than what everyone thinks of me and I will continue to walk my journey as the whole me. I choose to love the things that are positive and accept the things about me that aren’t so great. I am a whole person and I am the only perfect me.

In the famous and wonderful words of Dr Suess “Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!

Be yourself, build your own foundation and when the storm comes, your house will remain strong and steadfast.

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Happiness, Inspiration, Life, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Personal Development, Uncategorized

Not all days are going to be sunshine – My tips to get through the down days

After overcoming depression, I learnt that not all days are going to be good days. Some days the sun just doesn’t shine. Every now and then depression comes to remind me of what I went through but at the same time reminds me how far I have come. I have come a long way since the days when I could not get through, since the days I thought that I couldn’t carry on. The best thing about hitting rock bottom was that I could only go up from the bottom and up I went! I was strong enough to overcome depression and grow through the experience and most of all the journey of getting to know me. You never know your strength, until you need to use it. When I needed to sort my head out, suddenly I had the strength to do it. Never be afraid to talk to those closest to you or to ask for help. Seek professional help if you need it, I know I did.

When the day is dark, I have a guide to get through, these are my 12 tips:

  1. Fake it until you make it – When you aren’t happy, smile anyway. Take a look in the mirror and smile at yourself.
  2. Dress up – Put your make-up and your heels on, looking good helps you feel good. Wear the little black dress you hardly wear or a nice suit. Wear whatever makes you feel fabulous (Leave the sneakers and baggy pants alone on days like this!)
  3. Have a healthy great tasting breakfast, for me plain yoghurt with berries and seeds is a great tasting healthy way to start the day. Salmon is a fantastic way to start the day too, salmon, avo and cream cheese is enough to put a smile on your dial!
  4. Do a couple burpees or jumping squats if you prefer. You don’t have to go overboard, no one is asking you to run a marathon. 10 – 20 is enough to get your blood pumping and lift your mood.
  5. MEDITATE – this one was very difficult for me to grasp but in the world of technology, there are so many helpful apps to get you started. My favourite is “Guided Meditations – Pitashi Mobile Imagination”. This app eases you into meditating with a number of beginner meditations. If there is one thing that is going to take you to new levels in your mental state, this is it! Meditate, meditate, meditate, I cannot say it enough!
  6. Call your bestie up just to say hi and have a chat, this can make you feel a million times better.
  7. Put on your favourite feel good tune (dance around the room if you like). Music is amazing, and it can lift your mood immediately.
  8. There is plenty of motivational stuff online, google or check in at your favourite motivational blog.
  9. If you are religious, pray and have some quiet time.
  10. Give yourself positive affirmation – you are amazing, you are alive, and you are blessed, remember that.
  11. Imagine a place where you are at complete peace. When you do this, engage all five senses: sight, smell, hearing, taste, and touch. For example, imagine you are walking next to a river. You are watching the sparkling blue water as it lazily drifts slowly and you listen to the way it trickles and murmurs as it flows. You bend down to touch the slightly numbing, icy water, cupping your hands, you bring some tangy, cold water to your mouth, you sip it and feel alive. The air smells fresh and drops of water hit your face.
  12. If all else fails…. chocolate. Dark chocolate apparently stimulates the production of endorphins and contains serotonin which makes you happy. What better way to help lift your mood?

You are in control of your mind, you are the only person who can pull yourself together. Don’t beat yourself up for the bad days but always remember that after the rain, comes the sunshine, after the night comes the day. Tomorrow the sun will shine and with the brand-new day, you get a new start.

May tomorrow bring you lots of smiles. 🙂

Happiness, Inspiration, Life, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Personal Development, Relationships, Uncategorized

The “people pleaser” – bomb waiting to explode!

I love people and I love being loved and appreciated by people.  I love being popular and I love positive attention.  This is one of the major contributors to me falling into depression.  Another major factor was my history of abuse and me identifying with abuse and allowing it to continue without realising it.

As far back as I can remember I have always gone out of my way for everyone around me, winning favour where ever I could and giving so much to the people around me.  I gave and gave, and everyone took and took.  As long as I was giving, I felt great because I thought that people liked me.  I was confident and happy while not realising that I was being completely drained.  I remember running from one get together to the next, never wanting to disappoint anyone by saying no.  My weekends were completely exhausting, and I was feeling as if I was drowning.  I was absolutely exhausted at the start of each week and I never felt rested at all.  I was literally driving on fumes and not coping with day to day things.  My concentration levels were really low, and I was wasting excessive amounts of time rechecking simple things because I had been unable to concentrate properly in the first place.  Small tasks felt like huge mountains and I was waking up each day feeling exhausted and dreading the day ahead.  I was simply wishing my days away.  Waiting for home time, waiting for bed time, waiting for a break that I could just sit and breathe.

Tanu B. Singh.  said:

“Time is like a river. You cannot touch the same water twice because the flow has passed and will never pass again. Enjoy every moment.”

I was watching time go by, not realising that I could never get time back.  I was in zombie mode and I was literally wasting my life.  All because I wanted to please everyone. Time is a very valuable commodity, wasting it is a tragedy.

At the end of the day I was only damaging myself.  I had become so used to putting everyone else first that I had become someone that I wasn’t.  I had become the person everyone wanted me to be instead of being true to myself.  I had to hit rock bottom before I even noticed how far I had slipped into the very damaging world of the people pleaser.  I have a terrible habit of trying to save the wounded and find the lost.  This is the very reason that I got into the first abusive relationship at 17.  The guy I got involved with needed saving, needed me, or so I thought.  Although I wouldn’t go back and change the past, I need to remind myself to stop putting everyone else first constantly.

Not only is people pleasing completely draining, it is very dangerous because as quickly as you build your self-esteem up on the positive attention from people, your self-esteem can be broken in an instant by negative attention.  You make yourself completely vulnerable to being made or broken by people.  People’s behaviour is completely out of your control, but you are basing your self-esteem on them.  This is without a doubt the most dangerous thing you can do and the effects on your mental health are catastrophic.  It takes one person to knock you down into the pits of depression or to give you an anxiety disorder.  And at the same time you have completely lost yourself.

Suddenly the people pleaser is faced with turmoil and this is when I was given the amazing opportunity to find myself.  This was the time to get to know me and to learn how to set strict boundaries and put me first.  We grow up being told not to be selfish and to give unto others, but I am telling you right now, be selfish, look after yourself, put yourself first.  Take time to get to know yourself, take time to grow, learn, and better yourself.  Take the time to build your self-esteem on YOU.  You are the only solid foundation on which to build your self-esteem.  If you build your self-esteem on others, you give them the power to destroy you.  Never mind the fact that you are left completely emotionally exhausted pleasing everyone and having nothing left for yourself.

I am not saying don’t do anything for anyone else, I am saying put you first.  Set boundaries, be assertive and learn to say no.  Give yourself time and love yourself first.  Spend time with yourself, take time out of your day to spend on you.  Stop wasting energy on what other people think of you.  What people think of you is entirely their business.  What you think of yourself is your business.  And if you have areas within you that you need to work on, do it.  Fix the things you don’t like and be the best version of you.

Doing good for others is healthy and creates happiness, don’t confuse this with being a people pleaser.  Giving is good but trying to please everyone is when giving becomes dangerous.  When you look after yourself first, you become content, happy and confident and you are able to analyse and decide what you want to give and to who.

Take time to do something that is purely for you.  Paint, draw, write, whatever you enjoy doing, find a hobby.  The satisfaction you get out of doing something you enjoy for you is worth all the weight in gold.  Remember you are the only person who truly knows you, so change what you don’t like and learn to love yourself.  Loving yourself is truly the very best thing you can do for you and everyone around you.

Happiness, Inspiration, Life, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Personal Development, Uncategorized

Taking back my life

Depression, the huge mistake I made which caused it and getting over it.

As a child, life was fairly easy. I was always good at making friends and was always able to stand up for myself so bullying wasn’t ever a problem for me. I had a really happy childhood and things were always bright and I have so many happy memories. In my early adult years, I began to become more popular and thrived on the positive attention. I was well known in my circles and would be greeted with adoration by people within my community. I had an incredible amount of friends and I was completely driven by their love for me. I spent so much time doing everything I could for my friends and I would run from one event to the next to please everyone. After all I was loved and needed to return the favour. How can positive attention be a bad thing? I mean everyone loves attention, right?

I was indeed filled with confidence as I walked through the streets of my city. I had a very positive energy about me and I eluded complete control of this incredibly amazing person who I thought I was. I had created my opinion of myself and my self worth based on how everyone saw me…which was great while everyone cherished me and made me the centre of attention.

I had literally handed over the remote control to my life to everyone else. I had no control of my life. Not only had I allowed myself to build Me on how everyone else saw me but I managed to hand my remote control over to people who would soon destroy my happiness. When a house is built, the most important first step is building a strong foundation. My house did not have a foundation and therefore could never withstand the harshest of storms.

As my life was hit by some harsh storms, I crumbled. The person that I had built on everyone else’s opinions could not stand alone. I became very depressed and felt completely hopeless. I had absolutely no want to live and more and more I felt that dying would be the best escape. I had no idea that I had in fact caused this problem. It was not the people who had broken me down because if I had built myself worth and self opinion on ME, I would not have been so easily broken.

Six months after being diagnosed with depression I found myself hitting rock bottom. The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that the only way to go is up. When I had nothing left I was forced to learn my mistake and I started my journey of recovery.

Living my life for everyone else had left me completely exhausted and unable to even get out of bed in the morning.

I sat down all by myself and started to get to know me. At first I wrote down my positives and negatives and though the list of positives which I could think of was only one or two things, the negative list seemed endless. How could everyone around me have seen me as an incredibly strong and amazing woman when I myself was unable to think of more than two positive things about me. Luckily I was soon to realize that my mind was completely over powered by depression and I did in fact have lots of positives. So with time, my list grew and the negatives did not seem all that bad anymore. Now was the time to make it. Now was the time to stop giving my energy to everyone else and now was the time to build my self worth on me.

Getting to know me and the journey of self discovery is one that teaches me every day. I have so much to give but never again will I allow people to just take. Giving is on my time and by my rules. I love giving and I truly feel the need to give back as I have been so richly blessed along the way that it would be a complete sin to not pass on blessings.

I have learned exactly what I should not be doing and what I do not want to do. Things that drain me are being cut out of my life.

I cannot choose which cards life has to deal me but I can choose how I play the cards which I am dealt. I choose to paint a beautiful picture and leave the sadness and regret behind. I will take what I need to from construction criticism but I will not allow negativity to define me. I am worth so much more than what everyone thinks of me and I will continue to walk my journey as the whole me. I choose to love the things that are positive and accept the things about me that aren’t so great. I am a whole person and I am the only perfect me.

In the famous and wonderful words of Dr Suess “Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!

Be yourself, build your own foundation and when the storm comes, your house will remain strong and steadfast.