Happiness, Inspiration, Life, Mental Health, Mom, Personal Development, Uncategorized

Don’t let your age define you – Remove “too old” from your vocabulary

Florence

I had eagerly awaited meeting Florence, she is an angelic, elegant, absolutely captivating mom, granny and great granny. She will be turning a phenomenal 102 years old this October. Florence has an extraordinary presence, who touches the hearts of those lucky enough to meet her. She was described to me by a close friend who passed away in April as a very sharp, intelligent, classy and particularly articulate woman with a pleasant nature who leaves everyone she meets feeling lucky to have met her and spent time in her presence.

After much anticipation, the time finally came when I would meet the woman who had only been a legend up until that moment. I walked through the kitchen door past the dining room into the living room where she sat on a one-seater couch.

The dining room table is a modern rectangular table with 8 chairs. A number of timeless retro silver pieces stood on the table, similar to the tea set, a family heirloom, passed down through two generations and stands in my mother’s living room on a light, varnished oak sideboard. The living room has a warm, quaint vintage feel to it. Behind where Florence sat, stood a classic display cabinet with a collection of porcelain dolls in it. The room was filled with a number of antique ornaments, taking me back to my grandmother’s house in Merrivale, which a tiny town near Howick Natal, where we often visited when I was a little girl.

As I enthusiastically approached where she was sitting my attention was quickly drawn to a loud shriek, followed by some chirping, coming from one of two African Grey parrots. In the corner of the room stood two large bird cages with two African Grey parrots. The birds immediately noticed me, and they caused a racket as if to impress the new comer.

I quickly turned around and introduced myself to Florence and her face lit up as she told me that it is wonderful to meet me. Her voice is soft-spoken and her English, perfectly eloquent. She sat upright in the chair with perfect posture, her walking cane stood next to her, leaning up against the couch. Her light grey hair was perfectly done, not a hair out-of-place. Her face completely content, her eye lids slightly drooped, forehead creased, cheeks wrinkled. Her skin is light in complexion and absolutely perfectly made up, pinkish blush on her cheeks, eye brows neat and light pink lipstick on her lips, framed by lip liner. She was a picture of pure elegance and classic beauty.

I gazed at her, completely in awe at her magnetic beauty and marvelous presence, to me she seemed larger than life. I certainly felt very blessed to meet this enchanted woman. If I had not known her age, I would have guessed her at around 78 at most. I was instantly captured by her elegance, I remember both of my Grandmothers having the same sort of timeless elegance. We chatted for some time about the walk that she had been on earlier that day and the porcelain dolls, among other things.

Her articulate use of the English language struck me and impressed me as soon as she began to speak. I appreciate and respect for the English language and I am often left annoyed when someone abuses the language. I accept that the language has evolved(not for the better in my opinion) but I gave up correcting people years ago when I realised that I was only aggravating myself by obsessing over it and pointing the mistakes people make out because it fell on deaf ears and I realised that it is generally accepted these days to misuse English. I learnt to ignore bad pronouncing, misspelling and misuse of words in the same way I learnt to ignore bad driving by the South African minibus taxi drivers. Shouting and screaming and getting upset at taxi drivers was only driving my blood pressure up and affecting my mood and was completely ignored by them. Eventually I decided that accepting the way in which taxis drive and not getting riled up was the best option for my mental state and health. I still cringe when people use the incorrect to, too or two but smile and scroll past.

Florence left me with a unique warm feeling inside and a wide magical smile on my face that remained for the rest of the afternoon.

I so often hear people saying, “I am getting old” or “I am really feeling the age” or “I am too old to do this”. I am talking about people in their 30’s who constantly bring up their age in a negative way. Come on people, here is a woman at 101, who walks every day and still enjoys the small things in life. She spent the Soccer World cup watching each match and supporting her favourite teams throughout the tournament. I had hoped that Croatia would win the world cup, I often favour the underdog. Florence however was supporting France and celebrated their win. I laughed when she was watching and said, “Oh dear, that gentleman’s pants have torn”. She also said that she had seen his behind. I smile every time I think about that.

She loves sharing stories of her childhood as well as of her children growing up and has also shared stories of naughty things that her grandchildren got up to as children. She assures me that she brought her children up to be well manned. I giggled when she told me about the only time her and her sister ever got a hiding as children. She said that her dad had bought them new rain coats and they put one of the rain coats over both of them and stretched it by trying to fit it around both of them. The girls had wanted to see if they could both fit into one raincoat for the fun of it. They got themselves into a lot of trouble over the rain coats and she told the story in great detail, using the sweetest facial expressions. I found the story cute and entertaining. If only I could say something as small as that was the only thing my children had got up to through the years to hit my nerves.

She walks every single day as well as reading the newspaper every day. She enjoys the small things and delights in the company of her family and caregivers who have become family. She has an incredible support structure and she is surrounded by people who love her. She keeps her mind active and feeds it daily. She has many a pearl of wisdom to share such as “love isn’t always fun, it takes hard work too” among many others. I look forward to spending hours with her and hearing many more of her wonderful stories.

A couple of weeks back the girls and I headed out for a ladies night. We had the pleasure of bumping into a 74-year-old man who was dancing up a storm and really loving life. We chatted to him and asked how old he was. When he answered, we were shocked because we had thought that he was probably around 65 at the most. 74 years old, dancing in a local spot in Fourways, filled with mostly youngsters and thriving on every moment. He was living life and enjoying every minute of it.

Forget that the word “old” exists and stop referring to yourself as old. I have certainly never heard Florence call herself old. Get exercise every day, eat right and most importantly, FEED YOUR MIND DAILY.

Advertisements
Happiness, Inspiration, Life, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Personal Development, Uncategorized

5 things that the first half of 2018 has taught me

  1. The best thing for me and everyone that I love is to put me first– It is no secret that I am a people pleaser but to give of myself I need to have of me to give, not putting myself first has affected me and my loved ones adversely.  As long as I can remember, I have always put people before me.  I am the first to volunteer to arrange anything from a baby shower to birthday party.  I remember a time when I was running from one event to the next to make everyone happy.  I had become completely exhausted and depressed because I had nothing left of me for myself and was spending all of my energy on everyone else.  Obviously, I had made it my duty to please everyone and I kept telling myself that loved ones should come first.  The truth is that I have to come first in order to be able to give the best to my children and the people who I love.  My entire life I have made decisions based on others.  I have stayed in the wrong situations for people, instead of getting out of these situations for me.  This has been a tough year for me and I have had to put my foot down, put myself first and stop giving my all at the detriment of myself and others around me.  Once I began making decisions based on me first, I suddenly was in a happy space and everyone around me was suddenly happier as well.  When I put myself first, I have more to give and I am living a fulfilling life and those closest to me benefit greatly.  Putting me first is not being selfish but rather being fair.  This for me is still a work in progress because I am quick to put others first, but I have taken leaps in the right direction and definitely am getting better every day and I am constantly making conscious choices and decisions that put me first in my life.
  2. I can no longer keep the wrong people for me in my life– The truth is you become like the people you choose to share your company with.  I had a number of toxic people that were in my life and they were not good for me at all.  I made bad decisions because of the company that I had been keeping and I was putting the wrong people before myself and before the right people.  I have had to put my foot down here and keep it down.  If people are bad for me, then they do not belong in my life.  It is important to be the best me that I can be and anyone who does not allow me to be my best or keeps me from achieving my goals is not worth having in my life.  It is not being a bitch, it is being real and painting the picture of my life that I want without being distracted.
  3. I cannot allow people’s opinions and judgement on other people to stop me from getting to know someone– I formed opinions on one person in particular based on what others had said about this person.  I took the time to get to know the person for myself and realised that I had been wrongly informed and misguided.  I cannot allow other people to form my opinions because it is not fair, and I could end up not missing out on having good people in my life, this would be absolutely tragic.  People are entitled to their own opinions, I am entitled to form my own.  I have also stopped listening as people start speaking in a negative or nasty way about others.  I don’t care what people think about other people and if it is nasty then I don’t want to know.  Like mom always said: “if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say it” and most importantly don’t entertain it when people are mean.
  4. No matter how hard I fall or however terrible the situation seems, it is only as bad as I allow my mind to make it– As I mentioned, I have had a hard year so far.  There have been big obstacles and I have had to make huge changes and hard decisions to make.  When I have been at my lowest my mind has somehow seen the light at the end of the tunnel.  I remember years back, sitting in a Doctors room, feeling miserable, sick and very sorry for myself when I noticed a book on the table.  I stood up and bent down to pick up the small white book with navy blue writing on the cover.  It was a book of “feel good” quotes.  I read “Don’t forget to sing in the life boats”. Suddenly I felt like a I was being a real brat.  In my mind I pictured a big ship sinking, people were standing with orange life jackets over their shoulders and fastened around their waists.  They were being helped into life boats, some crying, some screaming and some pushing and shoving.  I pictured one man with chubby, rosy cheeks, dark hair and a beard sitting in one of the boats.  The man began to sing in my mind and suddenly the storm seemed distant and people were instantly relaxed and calm.  You create the reaction to a situation and only you can control your reaction and how you deal with it.  Breathe, think and then react in best way for you.  Always see the light even in a dark night.
  5. In business and making money, thinking outside of the box and not limiting myself is the way forward– I have learned that there are many ways to make money and to make business work.  I have had to diversify my thinking and seize opportunity that really are everywhere. The future is bright and there is so much opportunity to take advantage of if I just stop limiting myself and get out of the box.  Thinking outside of the norm and paving the way to a successful future is what I have learned to do.
Happiness, Inspiration, Life, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Personal Development

Let the Sun warm your face and soak up it’s radiance

For such a long time I was completely suppressed by the situation I was in and I allowed people to affect my mind space. The most destructive effect of this negative mind space was on my health. There was a time when I found myself ill every day. Eventually I suspected that there was something seriously wrong with me. I was physically ill every single day. I would literally throw up every day. Fear of some or other dreaded disease set in, and I was wasting hours daily thinking what could be wrong with me, google of course had everything for my symptoms and mostly terminal illnesses popped up. I was spiralling into an unhealthy negative hole that I had created through my own bad decisions. The cure for all the possible diseases that I had thought of was as simple as sorting my head out.

Today I am walking with my head high, loving the feeling of the warm golden-yellow rays of the fiery African winter sun on my face. The South African winter sun shines brighter and warmer than the South African summer sun. If I take a moment to soak in the golden sun’s warm radiance, in the midst of the Fierce, piercing winter wind which chills to the bone, I realise that I don’t even notice the venom in the pitiless wind. In my mind the almost prophetic and luminous sun shadows even the cruellest and most remorseless wind. The winter sky is crystal clear and bright blue, not a cloud or haze can be seen because with the bite of the winter wind, comes the clear blissful sky, that only it can bring, as it clears all dust and pollution as it howls across the dry Joburg. It is in the heart of harsh, bitter Joburg winter that I realise how positivity flows through every vein in my body.

I am truly proud of how far I have come and how much the bad times have taught me. The greatest truth that I have learned is that I create my own reality. If I allow negativity to consume me, then it will consume every part of my life, my mind, my body and even my health.

When I learned that I hold the greatest tool of all, I began to learn how to use it and it was right then that I opened the door to the true positivity and amazing things.

Let me break it down for you. My mind was polluted with rubbish, how could I be happy and healthy whilst my mind was in the trash?  The answer is I couldn’t, I was completed focussed on the trash. In order to see the sun shine through the polluted sky, I had to get rid of the pollution, “throw out the trash” – so to speak. Secondly the mind is an incredible thing. What you imagine, comes to light. If you imagine you are sick, you shall be sick. If you imagine being healthy, so shall you be. The mouth too is a powerful tool, if you speak only bad things then that is what you will get but if you speak good things even when your ship is sinking then good things will come your way. Start small, think about your life and what you want to change. For example, you aren’t making ends meet and your bills are piling up. Think about financial freedom, think about how you will feel and picture you what you will do when you achieve it. Most of all picture it in the present, own it in your mind and it will become yours.

Your mind is able to paint incredible pictures, visualise exactly what you want and see it in your mind’s eye and fixate on the beautiful vision you have created in your incredible mind. Speak it, say it out loud. I have learned that the tongue is a very powerful thing. If you say you are broke, so shall you be. If you repeatedly say “why me? Why are things so bad for me? Nothing ever goes right for me?” Do not cry when nothing goes right for you! You are speaking this into your life.

Just before you think that I think you are an idiot for speaking and imagining bad into your life, let me say, I have done it, many times. I would constantly think about how difficult a certain time in my life was and it would become more difficult. Looking back, it was really not that difficult in the first place. I was choosing to see the bad and ignore the amazing parts at the particular time. I am here to help anyone in the situation which I found myself in.

When I started writing, it was out of passion to help people and this is one of the most incredible tools that I can pass on. Stop thinking negatively and expecting a positive outcome. You are completely in control of your thoughts and thereby you are completely in control of your destiny. Get your mind out of the rubbish and into the light. Start making things happen in your life by making it happen through your thoughts, imagination and words. You can change your life right here and right now, so what is stopping you? Be who you want to be, go where you want to go and be the writer of your book.

Take out the trash, before you drown in it. Invite good things in, open your eyes and watch your tongue. What you speak and what you imagine, will be what you get. Start today on a brand-new canvas and paint your perfect world with your imagination. See and speak your desire into being and stop limiting yourself with your own mind. Do not allow negative thoughts to creep in because you are having an off day or not yet where you want to be. The key is to be 100% in control of your mind. Be aware as anything negative pops into your head and fight it off with over powering positivity. Be thankful for where you are and how far you have come.

Don’t hold onto anger towards those who have caused you pain. Anger will only hurt you and will have no effect on the person whatsoever. I believe that every person comes into my life for a reason and if that reason was to teach me a difficult lesson then I have gained through the heartache. Though it took me years to get to where I am, I truly know now that I have gained from even the hardest and most traumatic experiences. I have learnt many a lesson and I believe I am the best version of me today. I am more driven today than ever before, and I am more satisfied with my life than I could ever have dreamed.

I am walking in the glorious sun and choosing to take in the beauty and not the wind that could penetrate my bones if I allowed it.  I have chosen to see the beauty instead of the horror.  I have stopped noticing the ugliness and I am happier than I have ever been.

 

 

Happiness, Inspiration, Life, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Personal Development, Relationships

Time to Stop Reacting and Start Acting

I’ve wasted way too much time and energy on reacting to words or actions from people. The worst part is that it is the people who deserve the least that seem to get the biggest reaction out of me. Seriously? I have wasted so much time and energy on people who aren’t even worth a minute of my time, the ones who literally add no value to my life whatsoever.

I am in control of my reaction to a situation or a person, and I am going to stop reacting to nonsense. Time is life’s most valuable commodity, and I am wasting it on meaningless situations and purposeless people. I have recently learnt that surrounding myself with like-minded, driven people who have positive energy and add value to my life is so important. People who drive me and make me want to succeed are the best people to keep around me. Wasting time and energy on negative people with bad habits that try to bring me down at every opportunity need to go. My obligation to long-term friendships and relationships that aren’t healthy to me has become very obvious to me of late and it is time for me to stop the cycle. I have no obligation to unhealthy company and people who do not motivate me and have a positive influence in my life.

Right here, right now I am pledging to stop reacting to futile people and situations. I am from now on, focusing all energy on my goals and aspirations. I am going places and will not be side tracked at all. All distractions will be removed from my life and I will only be moving up from here. Reacting in anger or despair has only affected me negatively and kept me from having my eyes, mind and heart firmly fixed on my goals. Anger only damages me, and I will no longer allow it in my life. I am letting go of anger and negativity and people who cause it. My eyes have been opened wide in the last couple of weeks and I have been given an incredible drive as well as an awareness about how I allow people to affect my life and my goals. I am more focused than ever, and I am going to make things happen. I have been blessed with incredible new experiences, and I am learning new and exciting things every day. I am so excited about the future and what is in stall for me. I know what I want in my life, I have goals, and I am driven, it is time to start acting and go and get what I deserve! My time is precious, and I am using it for me!

To quote Joel Osteen:
“You need to associate with people that inspire you, people that challenge you to rise higher, people that make you better. Don’t waste your valuable time with people that are not adding to your growth. Your destiny is too important.” His words are true and very much relevant in my life today.

I have to take accountability for myself and my choices and cutting out people who don’t add value in my life has become incredibly important to me. I need to stop worrying about how I am hurting people by letting go and start thinking about how I am hurting myself by holding on. I have been too soft and too giving for too long and the only person who has suffered for it is me. Letting go of negative people is the way forward in my life, and I am starting now.

Negative people have one thing in common, they love bringing people down. Negative people never keep their negativity to themselves, and they feel the need to spread it around and manifest it wherever they go.

No matter what you say, the company that you keep influences your decisions and choices so keep the right company. You cannot place the blame on the company you keep, place the blame on yourself for choosing to keep the company that you do.

Putting me first is my main priority. Looking after me means choosing the right people to hang around and cutting out those that are not healthy for me. Wasted time can never be regained and wasted energy is draining and taking focus off my goals.

There are so many positive people in my life, but yet so many negative people as well. I have started identifying the negative people and I have to let go. These people are obstacles in my life, and they are diverting and distracting my focus and I have allowed it up until now.

“Bad company corrupts good character.” — this quote comes to mind. I am not sure who wrote it, but I came across it recently. The truth is that when you surround yourself with trash, you become trash.

My choice of company has led me to this discovery and revelation in my life. I have chosen to have the wrong people in my life, and I am fully aware of the damage it has caused up until now. It is up to me to change the company I keep and cut out the rubbish. Where I am going, there is no space for rubbish, only blue diamonds. I am no longer wasting time on stones, I am here to find diamonds and make the magic I want to happen in my life.

Life is a gift, and I am going to show my appreciation by going big and achieving my goals, taking the life I want and deserve and making it mine!

Happiness, Inspiration, Life, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Personal Development, Uncategorized

Not all days are going to be sunshine – My tips to get through the down days

After overcoming depression, I learnt that not all days are going to be good days. Some days the sun just doesn’t shine. Every now and then depression comes to remind me of what I went through but at the same time reminds me how far I have come. I have come a long way since the days when I could not get through, since the days I thought that I couldn’t carry on. The best thing about hitting rock bottom was that I could only go up from the bottom and up I went! I was strong enough to overcome depression and grow through the experience and most of all the journey of getting to know me. You never know your strength, until you need to use it. When I needed to sort my head out, suddenly I had the strength to do it. Never be afraid to talk to those closest to you or to ask for help. Seek professional help if you need it, I know I did.

When the day is dark, I have a guide to get through, these are my 12 tips:

  1. Fake it until you make it – When you aren’t happy, smile anyway. Take a look in the mirror and smile at yourself.
  2. Dress up – Put your make-up and your heels on, looking good helps you feel good. Wear the little black dress you hardly wear or a nice suit. Wear whatever makes you feel fabulous (Leave the sneakers and baggy pants alone on days like this!)
  3. Have a healthy great tasting breakfast, for me plain yoghurt with berries and seeds is a great tasting healthy way to start the day. Salmon is a fantastic way to start the day too, salmon, avo and cream cheese is enough to put a smile on your dial!
  4. Do a couple burpees or jumping squats if you prefer. You don’t have to go overboard, no one is asking you to run a marathon. 10 – 20 is enough to get your blood pumping and lift your mood.
  5. MEDITATE – this one was very difficult for me to grasp but in the world of technology, there are so many helpful apps to get you started. My favourite is “Guided Meditations – Pitashi Mobile Imagination”. This app eases you into meditating with a number of beginner meditations. If there is one thing that is going to take you to new levels in your mental state, this is it! Meditate, meditate, meditate, I cannot say it enough!
  6. Call your bestie up just to say hi and have a chat, this can make you feel a million times better.
  7. Put on your favourite feel good tune (dance around the room if you like). Music is amazing, and it can lift your mood immediately.
  8. There is plenty of motivational stuff online, google or check in at your favourite motivational blog.
  9. If you are religious, pray and have some quiet time.
  10. Give yourself positive affirmation – you are amazing, you are alive, and you are blessed, remember that.
  11. Imagine a place where you are at complete peace. When you do this, engage all five senses: sight, smell, hearing, taste, and touch. For example, imagine you are walking next to a river. You are watching the sparkling blue water as it lazily drifts slowly and you listen to the way it trickles and murmurs as it flows. You bend down to touch the slightly numbing, icy water, cupping your hands, you bring some tangy, cold water to your mouth, you sip it and feel alive. The air smells fresh and drops of water hit your face.
  12. If all else fails…. chocolate. Dark chocolate apparently stimulates the production of endorphins and contains serotonin which makes you happy. What better way to help lift your mood?

You are in control of your mind, you are the only person who can pull yourself together. Don’t beat yourself up for the bad days but always remember that after the rain, comes the sunshine, after the night comes the day. Tomorrow the sun will shine and with the brand-new day, you get a new start.

May tomorrow bring you lots of smiles. 🙂